I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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