Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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