I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
