Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
