found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sext me about skeletons
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
