Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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