I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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