Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
