just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
