I hate all girls vehemently.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
