I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
