He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
