My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I FOUND THE LEGS
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
