So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
