Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
