i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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