you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
