By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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