Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
two words: eviction party
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
