hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
