sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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