the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
