Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
