I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
