i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The air was thick with penises
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
is that a dick in a sweater?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
