from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
