Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so let's talk penis.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
