Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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