Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
