Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
