you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
