I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
