im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
