WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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