You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
