I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
