george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
