She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
