It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
