I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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