Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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