Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
A bitchslap is in order.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
