I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
