bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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