11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
