my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize