that's an acceptable place to lick
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I cut my penus on the lid.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
