I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
