i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
