toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
cat food counts as protein by the way
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
