Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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