He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
