So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
there was a trapeze. enough said
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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