well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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