Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
