Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
