Duck Duck Cougar?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And then my night got REAL pukey
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
